


Down to the Riptide

by cobalamincosel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Actor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Coming Out, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25143076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobalamincosel/pseuds/cobalamincosel
Summary: There’s the thing about fame, Jaehyun thinks as the van cruises through moderate traffic and light rainfall, the raindrops obscuring the lights that pass over his eyes in muted brightness before he closes them. The thing about fame is that it gets heavier and heavier the more he acquires it.Jaehyun finds the weight starting to wear at him because that’s the real kicker, isn’t it? You can’t be gay in this industry, not when you’re signed under what’s arguably the biggest company in South Korea.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 77
Kudos: 502





	Down to the Riptide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sneakiest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sneakiest/gifts).



> This work is for sneaky, who went out of her way to ask me if I would be willing to take on a commission, even if I'd never even thought that my work was worth any monetary value. You've been such lovely support in all these months, a wonderful cheerleader, and also an absolutely fantastic writer yourself. Thank you for being here, for trusting me with this prompt, for being so incredibly patient as I worked on this story slowly but surely, and for allowing me the honor of beta-reading your own beautiful work as well. 
> 
> I preface this story with a heads-up I guess that this is mostly introspective, and mostly a quiet piece of work. I won't pretend to know Jaehyun because we never can know, but this is a character study that I've based on just the slivers of information that he is willing to give us when he's on camera. 
> 
> I really do hope that anyone who reads this keeps it fixed in their mind that this is work of fiction. 
> 
> There are many thank you's to be had so please check the end notes to see them! :)
> 
> To my dearest sneaky, and to anyone who reads this: I hope you like this!
> 
> -
> 
> This work contains some original characters, but doesn't touch on them too much, save for Jaehyun's co-star. :)

> _**SOOMPI** _
> 
> NEWS posted by beannss 
> 
> March 3, 2021
> 
> **Netizens excited for Jaehyun’s new web series**
> 
> ****
> 
> NCT’s Jaehyun to star opposite actress Kim Hye-su in new web series “The Heavenly Prince of Seoul!” 
> 
> The web drama is based on the webtoon of the same name where a young man from Gangnam finds out that he is in fact a prince from a different dimension, and has to deal with the struggle of this new knowledge while also realizing that he is falling in love with the princess he is betrothed to.
> 
> K-netizens have been abuzz on Twitter about the new web drama that was announced today, commenting, “wow, Prince Jaehyun finally playing a real prince!”, “oh my god… that’s amazing! He’s so handsome!”, “His face is so perfect… I’m so jealous of Kim Hye-su already!”
> 
> The web drama is set to begin filming this month. 

-

Jaehyun is no stranger to change and challenges. Notoriously, he’s considered one of the most competitive in his entire group, save for maybe Doyoung who can be vicious when he puts his mind to it.

When Jaehyun had been told he’d be representing NCT for ISAC Bowling, he’d thrown all of his energy into practicing three weeks straight, having himself driven out to the alley to get his form right, and scoring the highest bowling score ISAC had seen so far. 

Hosting for Inkigayo had been a terrifying new stint for him at first, but in between learning Jumpo Mambo and getting to know Minhyuk and Naeun, and seeing the fan lights in the audience on his first day hosting, Jaehyun had managed himself fairly well. 

There are many times when he’s found himself being put into limelight he hasn’t always asked for, but in the eight or so years he’s been steeped in this industry, Jaehyun has become adept at traversing the shaky ground of being an idol in South Korea.

As he stares at the script held in his hands, the title ‘The Heavenly Prince of Seoul’ in bold, black letters searing into the backs of his eyelids, he smiles to himself, wondering how he’s going to take this new challenge on. 

The buzz has hit the major news sites, and Johnny’s already messaged him to point out that Jaehyun’s been trending on both Naver and Twitter for the last five hours-- all while Jaehyun’s done the first read-through with Kim Hye-su, a fairly popular actor with a repertoire much more robust than his. 

She’s very sweet when meeting him, extremely no-nonsense about getting to it, and seems genuinely excited about working alongside him. It eases some of the worry that constantly sits in Jaehyun’s stomach, no matter how good he is at hiding it and schooling his features into something that doesn’t betray his nervousness. 

“So we’ve got one more table read tomorrow, and then we’ll begin shooting this weekend in Itaewon,” Eung-sang, their director, says to the group of actors and producers from the head of the table.

Jaehyun’s attention turns to him, his eyes drawn to the man’s purple hair and livid watercolor tattoos splashed over the backs of his hands. 

Jaehyun tries to not feel so out of depth, tries to reframe this new endeavor like it’s the usual preparation before an Inki taping, and keeps his hands clasped over the script while he smiles and nods.

Jaehyun _wants_ to be here, even if his having been cast was a surprise to most, and to himself, most of all. 

When the meeting winds down, Hye-su turns to him as she rises from her seat, slinging her Birkin handbag over her wrist. 

“Hey,” Hye-su says to him softly. She tucks her glossy black hair behind her left ear, a blue sapphire dangling from it. “We’re gonna do great on this drama. I know you might be a little jittery right now about it, but you’re Jung Jaehyun of NCT. This is gonna be a walk in the park for you.”

“I’ve got a pretty great co-star,” Jaehyun says, flashing her a smile. “I’m not too worried.” 

She laughs, her voice deeper than he’d expected, and her eyes search his face. 

“I think we’re going to be wonderful together, Jaehyun-ssi,” Hye-su says. “Just message me if you need anything, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

She saunters off with her small entourage, and his own manager appears at the doorway, looking up from his phone to tip his head towards Jaehyun, signaling the time for them to leave as well. 

Jaehyun shoves his script under his arm, picks up the plastic cup that had contained his coffee, nothing left in it but some ice chips and a murky, diluted brown, and sends a text off to the group chat that he’s heading home before following his manager out through the hall. 

It’s Johnny’s “see you jaehyunnie we ordered pizza!” that has Jaehyun smiling on the way to the car. 

👑

There’s the thing about fame, Jaehyun thinks as the van cruises through moderate traffic and light rainfall, the raindrops obscuring the lights that pass over his eyes in muted brightness before he closes them. The thing about fame is that it gets heavier and heavier the more he acquires it. 

He’d wanted this, all those years ago, when he was too skinny and too nervous and dancing in a room with fake clouds on the wall, and he still wants it now, but even with the therapists and the managers and the people around him, Jaehyun finds the weight starting to wear at him, feels it in his shoulder blades, in the muscles around his mouth from where he pulls out his smiles, in his neck, in his spine, in the way he folds his hands, the way he walks, the way he commands his eyes constantly to be looking exactly where he should and not have them linger on anywhere (anyone) that they shouldn’t. 

Because that’s the real kicker, isn’t it? You can’t be gay in this industry, not when you’re signed under what’s arguably the biggest company in South Korea. 

Not when you’re part of one of the biggest boy groups from said company. 

Not when your face is plastered on billboards with you holding a little blue bottle and your dimple on display with the words ‘Nature Republic’ slapped on there at the bottom. 

Jaehyun’s not stupid. He sees the usernames, knows the speculations, remembers having shouted out “Johnjae nation” in that one video they’d done where they read tweets out loud. There are days when he wishes he could confirm them, really.

If he’s honest with himself, he wishes he could just type it out on the 127 account, and be done with it. 

Life doesn’t work that way, though. 

He can’t say anything, especially when his being in the closet requires him to lock it up even further since his budding affection for one Johnny Seo has thrown a wrench in all of his plans of just letting his deep, deep secret remain dormant in his chest until they fade into relative obscurity one day, and then Jaehyun will be… free? As free as someone of his level of fame can be, he supposes. 

“Jaehyun-ssi,” Manager Myeong says from the driver’s seat. “Did you still want to pass by for milk tea?” 

Jaehyun turns his attention to his manager, pulling himself to the present while his mind lingers, once again, on all the things he doesn’t talk about to anyone. 

“Ah, hyung, it’s okay, we can just go straight home,” Jaehyun says, thinking about the pizza waiting for him on the 5th floor. 

“Okay,” Manager Myeong nods. “Are you feeling okay? How did you find the read-through?” 

Jaehyun chews on his lower lip, casts his mind back to the day. “It went really well. I was a little nervous but all in all, it was good. The cast and the crew were really nice.” 

His manager nods, and flicks the signal on to turn into the street that leads to their dorm. 

“You were able to get some footage for the vlog earlier, so you’re all good for the night,” he adds. “Get some rest.” 

“We both know I’m gonna be up all night memorizing lines,,” Jaehyun laughs, turning his head side to side as they pull up at the garage. “But nice of you to suggest that.” 

Manager Myeong laughs under his breath, clapping his hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder twice before Jaehyun unbuckles his seat belt. 

“Thanks, hyung,” Jaehyun says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He hauls his backpack out of the back seat, and heads into the building, nodding his hello to the guard stationed there before heading to the elevators. He checks his phone again, the group chat filled with 27 unread messages that he can’t be bothered to read at the moment, given that he’s heading up already anyway. 

He steps out of the elevator and makes his way to the end of the hall, rapping his knuckles on the black door in a staccato beat like it’s a secret passcode for them. (It essentially is, really.)

The sound of a lock sliding out of its slot, and then another, and then another before the door opens, revealing Haechan in an oversized grey sweater, no doubt Johnny’s, and black shorts that barely cover his thighs. 

"Hey, baby,” Haechan says brightly, moving out of the way as Jaehyun steps in and toes his sneakers off. 

“Our prince is home!” Haechan singsongs to the rest of the room before he saunters off into the kitchen where five boxes of extra-large pizzas are piled, two of which already look mostly eaten. 

Johnny steps out from inside his room and joins Jaehyun and Haechan at their dining table, phone in hand before looking up, and bumping his fist on Jaehyun’s shoulder. 

“Hey, bigshot,” Johnny says, sliding into the seat next to Jaehyun while serving Jaehyun a slice. “How’d it go? How was meeting Hye-su?” 

“It was cool,” Jaehyun says, taking a bite out of the pepperoni slice. “And she’s really nice, she said she’d help me out if I needed any tips or anything, I just needed to text her.” 

Johnny’s smirk is expected, of course, because Johnny doesn’t know. No one knows. Jaehyun chews his food, and braces himself for the chorus of teasing that eventually comes in the form of Johnny’s elbow digging into his side and Haechan ruffling his hair since seniority counts for jack shit when they’re behind closed doors and Haechan acts like he’s the eldest anyway. 

“Text her? Got her number just like that hey? Nice,” Johnny jokes around a mouthful of pizza.

It’s an old kind of ribbing, really, and he knows how to respond to these things at this point. He’ll laugh, say it’s not anything, someone will imply that he has a crush, and his ears will redden from irritation, but people, including his members, will assume that it’s because there’s some truth to it. Jaehyun will smile, let them make assumptions, and play along, because that’s what he’s supposed to do as an idol, and he’s damn good at it. 

He wonders, really, if Johnny has ever picked up on it. He’s the one in their group that’s most intuitive to everyone else, who picks up on small things that usually need just a little coaxing.

Jaehyun’s seen the way Johnny acts depending on who he’s talking to, but it goes without saying that often, Johnny is the one that people turn to when something is bugging them. 

Jaehyun wonders if that’s why he himself is the first in 127 to get an acting gig after Sicheng had gotten his turn last year in China: Jaehyun’s acting all the time. This should be easy. 

The rest of the conversation turns from Hye-su to the production as a whole. They don’t have a comeback for another couple of months, but in between filming, Jaehyun still has to come in for recordings, and for dance practice. He already knows how exhausted he will be, but the filming schedule seems to be pretty tight, just about three and a half weeks, and is expected to wrap up fairly quickly. 

“Jaehyunnnie, you’re gonna be a household name for sure,” Johnny says, taking a sip of his Coke. “Like Winwin, but like, here in Korea.”

“I highly doubt that enough of the general public will watch a web series,” Jaehyun says, finishing off his fourth slice. “But thanks for the vote of confidence.” 

“You say this like half of Korea isn’t already in love with Jaehyun-hyung,” Haechan interjects.

“Actually true,” Johnny says, slipping into English. “My bad, you’re right. Now _all_ of Korea is gonna fall in love with you. You’re gonna be everyone’s oppa now.” 

“Shut up,” Jaehyun laughs, fielding Johnny’s finger poking his cheek. “Am not.” 

“We’ll see,” Johnny replies, and then rises to put the dishes in the sink. “Are you gonna be sleeping already? Do you need someone to run lines with?” 

Running lines. Jesus Christ. Jaehyun hadn’t even thought about that. How the fuck had that hit him just then?

“Uh, shit, no actually, I was just gonna like… memorize the lines tonight,” Jaehyun says, wiping his mouth on the paper towel proffered to him by Haechan after he’d watched Jaehyun wipe his hand on his pants. 

Johnny throws him a look over his shoulder, the faucet still running, his hands soapy in the sink. 

“Alright well, if you need anyone, just let me know. I can go to yours,” Johnny says. It makes Jaehyun’s insides squirm, as is usual whenever Johnny pulls shit like this, _this_ being essentially the perfect match to him in all things except for the fact that Johnny is fucking straight, and thinks that Jaehyun is straight, too.

“Sure,” Jaehyun replies, keeping the sigh out of his mouth. “Thanks for dinner, guys. I’m gonna head up. Bye hyung, Haechannie.” 

“Night baby,” Haechan says, turning his attention back to the game on his phone, waving at him with a floppy hand before Jaehyun squeezes the back of Haechan’s neck and departs. 

Jaehyun closes the door behind him, exhales loudly, and relaxes his shoulders as he waits for the elevator to rise up. He pulls his cap over his face just in case--a habit he’s picked up over the years to try to blend in the background as often as possible. 

When he makes his way to the tenth floor and unlocks the front door, the familiarity of his actual home allows him to relax his neck as he walks toward his room, and drops his backpack on his bed while Jungwoo waves at him from his own bed, pushed into the far corner of the room next to the window. 

“Hey, Woo,” Jaehyun says, pulling his shirt off and crashing onto the bed, sprawled over his grey comforter and covering his eyes with his hands. 

“Hey,” Jungwoo chirps, the sounds of his game lowering steadily until it’s no longer the grating fake sword slashes and clanking that usually emanates from his phone. “How’d it go?”

“Pretty good, all things considered,” Jaehyun says, still starfished over his bed. “God, I just want to sleep but I’ve got four days to learn my lines and we have another table read tomorrow.” 

“Do you need help? I think I’d make a really good princess,” Jungwoo says, pitching his voice up and batting his eyelashes at Jaehyun, making Jaehyun laugh, remembering the night they’d dressed up as Jack and Rose and had all of SM Entertainment and their fans losing their shit. 

“Woo I love you but I _cannot_ take you seriously,” Jaehyun replies, raising himself up on his elbows to look up at his roommate. His mind strays to Johnny’s offer, and seriously does consider texting him.

Jungwoo shrugs, turns back to his phone, and says, “Hey, your loss. In any case, the offer stands.”

Jaehyun’s grateful for his team, for the people he spends his waking hours with. He doesn’t have to smile around them when he doesn’t feel like it, doesn’t have to pretend he’s happy about something when he really isn’t, and save for the glaring, massive secret that he keeps in his chest like a creature trying to claw its way out of him, he’s pretty much his most authentic self around these men.

“Thanks, Jungwoo,” Jaehyun says lightly, getting up from the bed and grabbing his towel and heading out to the bathroom.

👑

Standing in front of the mirror, Jaehyun inspects his face, the tired lines showing through the layers of foundation that have started to smudge if he looks too closely.

He's got music playing from his phone, Lauv's stripped-down voice echoing as he hums along under his breath while he rubs the cleansing balm into his skin, rubbing gently under his eyes, dark circles finally showing themselves again after an entire day of hiding, a reminder that so much of his face is actually… not his face.

His skin breathes better after he's washed his face, and then steps into the shower, hot water sluicing its way down his scalp, his back, through the knotted muscles in his body.

These are some of Jaehyun's favorite moments: when he has time just to be with himself, a couple of precious minutes where he can stand under running water and imagine every ache leaving him in the rivulets that make their way down the drain.

He's weathered enough shit in his career to feel himself bow under the strain, sure, but sometimes he likes to believe that he's gotten stronger, gotten so much smarter since his rookie days, that he's finally made some leeway in the dreams he'd had for himself when he first started out.

His thoughts stray back to having to run his lines, and wonders how he'll feel doing that with Johnny. For the most part, Jaehyun feels like he's got a really good handle on it--it being his feelings for Johnny.

They've had to do some fanservice shit as mandated by the company over the years, and they've never really shied much away from playing it up, but there's a difference between all those times and now, because Jaehyun had never been cognizant of said feelings until maybe half a year ago, and that's pretty much thrown everything in for a loop.

It's strange, he thinks as he washes the conditioner out of his hair, watching the soapy water swirl into the drain at his feet, how Jaehyun treats his secret the way that he does, like it lies dormant in a cage for most of his conscious hours, and runs free when he closes his eyes.

In Jaehyun’s dreams, he lies with Johnny, knows him, holds his hand. When he opens his eyes, he has to wrestle the creature back into its cage, a reminder that playtime is over. They've had their fill. _Until later,_ he tells it. _Just keep it together until later._

Jaehyun isn't stupid. He knows that other idols have struggled with this, too. He knows of Holland, has watched some of his stuff, has wondered recklessly in between beers what would happen if he just decided to say fuck it and leave SM and actually live his truth, but the thought makes Jaehyun's hands clam up, his heart race at the prospect of losing--well, everything.

He sighs, toweling himself off, the mirror having fogged over so all he sees is a blurry silhouette. His phone's fogged over, too, but he checks the message sitting in his KKT, a private one from Johnny: "Lines?", and Jaehyun, as always, caves in the face of Johnny's care and intuition.

> **[Me** : Yes please]

Johnny doesn't even miss a beat, his reply coming in almost immediately, and wildly, Jaehyun wonders if he'd been waiting for a reply.

> **[Johnny:** be there in five!]

Jaehyun spares himself one more glance in the mirror, eyes tired but bright, and steels himself. _This’ll be okay,_ he thinks. _It’ll be fine._

👑

It is not fine. 

This is agony. 

They’re seated on the couch in the living room, Johnny sprawled over one end with his legs stretched out, Jaehyun’s script in his hands, reading aloud Hye-su’s lines while Jaehyun, though not expected of him, tries to memorize the lines from the first couple of pages on the script. 

Johnny looks so painfully handsome, even barefaced, even with the slightest hint of a mustache that will be gone in the morning. His hair falls in waves over his face, and Jaehyun has to force himself to look away, once again, as usual. They’ve been at this for an hour already.

“‘Jiseok? Why are you staring at me like this, like you’ve seen a ghost?’' Johnny reads, all business, fully trying to absorb what he thinks Hye-su’s character Princess Yerin would act like. 

It’s distracting to watch Johnny act, distracting in a way that is different from Jungwoo, and Jaehyun is starting to realize how much of a misstep this is, considering that he has to pretend that he’s in _love_ with Yerin in the first place. Johnny’s foot nudges his thigh and brings him back. 

“Hey, hello, anyone there?” Johnny says, teasing. “If you’re too tired, I really think you should call it a night, Jae.”

“I’m okay, sorry. Let’s go over it,” Jaehyun says, straightening up in his seat. He doesn’t have to memorize this, not for tomorrow’s second half of the table read, but there’s no point in putting it off if filming begins in a few days anyway. 

He clears his throat. This scene has his character Prince Jiseok confused, since he’s only just learned that he’s a prince in an alternate but parallel universe. “‘Ah--ah, well. Sorry. It’s been a confusing day, Ye-yerin?’”

“‘Why are you acting like you don’t even know my name? This is starting to hurt my feelings, Jiseok,’” Johnny reads, frowning at the page, and then at Jaehyun, his lips turning down in exaggerated hurt. Jaehyun suppresses the smile threatening to curve his lips. 

“‘I’m sorry, Yerin,’” Jaehyun continues from memory. His character is trying to save face, trying to think on his feet so as not to alert the princess that anything is wrong. “‘It’s just that your--uh, beauty is distracting.’” 

Johnny breaks character, hiding his face behind Jaehyun’s script for a second before catching himself, and clearing his throat. “‘Oh, Jiseok! Gosh--stop saying such things.’”

“‘I cannot lie, Princess,’” Jaehyun says seriously, watching Johnny’s eyes read over his words on the page. “‘It is unbecoming of a prince to lie, especially to his betrothed.’” 

They both know how fucking cringey the script is, but this is the stuff that the public loves, and Jaehyun’s sure as hell determined to keep his blushing onset to a minimal. It’s bad enough his ears give him away when Johnny is around. 

“Well, you’ve got the first couple of pages down, Jae,” Johnny says in English, setting the script down on his lap. “You’re really good at this, you know that?” 

Jaehyun glances up at Johnny, and Johnny isn’t even teasing him. He’s seriously leaning in and looking Jaehyun in the eye. 

“Th-thanks,” Jaehyun says. “I mean they didn’t even let me audition. I need to make their time worth it, you know?” 

“Jaehyunnie, that’s not even remotely on the list of things you should be worrying about,” Johnny says, locking his hands behind his head and stretching his spine out, his socked feet pressing up against Jaehyun’s thigh like he’s a giant cat. “Only good things are gonna come from this. And we’re really excited for you, even Hyuckie, even if he’s never gonna let you live the whole prince thing down.” 

Jaehyun smiles to himself, leaning back on the couch, pressing his thumb and index finger to his eyes that are starting to sting. 

“I hope so,” Jaehyun says. 

When Johnny rises from the couch, pocketing his phone and squeezing the back of Jaehyun’s neck before he leaves, Jaehyun feels the heat of his hand long after Johnny’s gone. 

👑

The whirlwind of filming reminds Jaehyun of the strain he’d felt when they were on the US leg of their Neo City tour. His days bleed one into the other, but he somehow manages to take to it like a fish to water. 

Adjusting his schedules to include filming and discussions about their comeback has been gruelling, but manageable, and he’s found that he’s actually not as terrible at this acting gig as he thought he would be.

Or maybe he’s just got the worst fucking Stockholm Syndrome there is. Who knows. 

Hye-su is even lovelier the more time he spends on set with her; her humor reminds him of Doyoung and Johnny’s put together, quick and taking no prisoners. She isn’t afraid to rib him or rile him up, and it’s honestly the best thing about working on set with her.

They both know that the dialogue their characters have to say borders on ridiculous, but she makes every scene with him easy to get through, with minimal cringing on both their parts. 

Eung-sang seems immensely pleased with the two of them, talking about how their chemistry is palpable, and Jaehyun breathes a sigh of relief every single night he comes home and flops face down in bed that the production crew for this series has been nothing but lovely to him.

Things would be going perfect really if he didn’t think too much about the distant clicks in the background whenever they filmed out on the streets, because even with a closed-off set, filming on location doesn’t exactly mean he can avoid the telephoto lenses that his fan sites seem to constantly be upgrading. 

Onset, Jaehyun shivers from the last vestiges of winter leaving, and he sits in his puffy jacket, hot coffee in his hand while he scrolls through his private Instagram feed--the one he’s had for years, the one that doesn’t require the photos from magazine shoots, the one filled with just small things: photos of Mark laughing at something; Taeil asleep on the couch with Haechan tangled in his arms; Taeyong’s face scrunched up while Doyoung pretends to kiss his hand. 

There really is so much of how they treat each other that should make Jaehyun feel comfortable about coming out, at least to them. Jungwoo’s been out to them since late 2019; Taeyong’s expressed that he doesn’t care much for any sort of relationship, and while he hasn’t figured out what he identifies as yet, no one has batted an eyelash at him saying that. 

Perhaps it’s because Jaehyun has played this particular role, playing it _straight,_ for so long that he no longer knows what it’s like to not wear it at all times. Method acting, or some shit like that. 

“Hey Jaehyun-ssi,” Hye-su says, coming over to stand next to him. They’re on break right now, with ten minutes left by Jaehyun’s last count. 

“Hye-su, hi,” Jaehyun says, locking his phone and shoving it in his pocket as she leans in and bumps shoulders with him. 

“How are you feeling about tomorrow’s shoot?” Hye-su asks, sipping her own coffee from her cup. The lid is stained rouge from her lipstick. He reaches up to gesture that some of it has smudged.

Tomorrow's shoot is their first kissing scene, and Jaehyun has been bracing himself for it all week. He’d known it was coming, and was inevitable, but he worries because the most experience he’s ever had at kissing anyone is that brief stint he’d had when he’d tried to date one of the rookie girls from a different company and it had fallen apart with nothing more than a few perfunctory kisses and a failed attempt at a handjob, back when he hadn’t realized that the problem hadn’t been _her_ per se, but rather the fact that she was not a _he_. 

“Pretty good,” Jaehyun says instead. “I promise I’ll brush my teeth like three times before we film so you don’t get grossed out.”

Hye-su laughs, her voice like windchimes in the cold March air. 

“Listen, half of Korea and a hundred percent of your fans are gonna want my head on a platter for kissing you,” Hye-su says, her hair blowing in the wind. “Bad breath is going to be the least of my worries.”

She means it as a joke, but it still really is a pressing problem. Even off Naver, even when avoiding most social media, Jaehyun is still very cognizant of the fact that everything he does is scrutinized by the public eye. It makes him feel like a bug in a glass house sometimes, but it really is the nature of his work, and there isn't much he can do about it.

"Has anyone been harassing you?" Jaehyun asks, suddenly worried now that people have been on Hye-su's case.

"Oh, the usual," Hye-su replies, waving him off. "My managers tell me not to worry. I'm telling you to do the same."

Jaehyun has been in awe of this woman since the first day he met her. She carries herself like she's been in this business longer than he has, and he tells her as much.

"Jaehyunnie," Hye-su says, downing the last of her coffee, her head tipping back before she smacks her lips together like she's just chugged a beer. "In this industry, we have no choice but to slip on one mask after the other. You know this more than I. The pressures of women in entertainment here are different, sure, but we're all kind of living under a magnifying glass, aren't we? We're always treading lightly. But sometimes there are just things that can't be helped. The public's always got something to say, doesn't it?"

Jaehyun nods, his coffee now gone cold.

"Idol, actor, different, the same," Hye-su says lightly. "We take the wins that come our way--magazine shoots and commercial films and whatever you can cobble together of a personal life. We take the losses, too, but we can’t live in them. You've got your team, I've got mine. I have to trust that they have my back. Yours does, too, if there's anything I've learned from your stories of them."

He can't help the shy smile that blooms on his face, his affection for the group of people that he comes home to no doubt clear to her.

The AD calls for the both of them to resume filming, and Jaehyun rises from his seat, his knees sort of frozen from the position he'd been holding. Hye-su slings her arm in his and they walk over to the markers on the ground, the artificial light trained on their spot on the street where they're to film the last scene for the evening.

They take their spots, makeup coming in for touch ups, and Jaehyun pulls back to the present, his senses focusing on the scene and Hye-su's face as she falls back into her role, and before his eyes, she's Princess Yerin again.

 _Idol, actor,_ he thinks. _Different. The same._

"And, action!"

👑

The kissing scene they're about to film will take place in two hours, and Jaehyun had spent all night trying to be zen about it.

True to his word, he's got his toothbrush tucked in his bag in the van, ready to not offend Hye-su, who he hasn't seen all morning because they've been filming his scenes in what's supposed to be Prince Jiseok's normal, boring reality. Jaehyun's honestly a little lost, plotwise, but it's to be expected, he supposes, as he hears the "Cut!" being shouted.

They break for lunch, but Jaehyun can barely taste the food, too worried that he'll eat something that his toothbrush will miss, though he really should relax. They'd rehearsed this already, and he knows how this will go.

Their intimacy coordinator had made sure of it, and had secured the consent from both Jaehyun and Hye-su, as well as the essential personnel that will be present on their closed set.

A message makes his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he pulls it out, the screen coming to life after he keys in his lock code.

> **[Johnny:** Good luck!!! Go get her! haha]

Jaehyun wishes Johnny were around so he could throw his phone at him.

The hours go by too quickly, and sooner rather than later, Jaehyun finds himself being ushered into the closed set of what's supposed to be Prince Jiseok's modern palace. The AD guides him inside, Hye-su already there.

Makeup comes in for his touch ups since he'd fucked up half his face from brushing his teeth too vigorously, his brand new bottle of mouthwash now half-empty.

The makeup noona uses a brush on his lips to apply more tinted balm on it, and Hye-su watches him closely, a little smirk on her lips.

"Stop being so nervous, Jaehyun," Hye-su says softly. "It's just me."

Jaehyun glances over at her, her hair styled in place, her lips redder for the camera than he expected. She's right, it's just her. They've known each other for nearly a month now, having spent every day since the table read together, and Jaehyun has had no reason at all to be so fucked up about a kissing scene with her.

Not for the first time, he sends a small prayer of thanks to whoever is looking out for him that he'd gotten cast alongside someone so refreshingly professional.

The set is sparse, just a few key people present, the rest of the crew hanging out at craft or outside for a smoke while they film this.

Jaehyun hears the chorus as they stand in place for the scene, the harmony of "Ready-sound-speed-twenty-two bravo take one-camera-speed" fading into the background until Eung-sang calls out, "Action!"

The set is quiet, and Jaehyun delivers his line.

"'Yerin,'" Jaehyun says with a put-upon breathlessness. "'Do you trust me?'"

"'I've never had any reason to do otherwise, Jiseok,'" Hye-su whispers. Out of the corner of his eye, Jaehyun sees the camera move in closer as he moves in closer, his heart racing, hands coming up to cup her face, and then there it is, his lips on Hye-su's, his eyes sliding closed, her head tipped back, holding the pose there for what feels like an eternity, and then--

"Cut! Okay, circle. Let's do that again but from the other angle, yeah? Good job, I knew you guys would pull this off, you’re naturals!" Eung-sang says, evidently happy with whatever he's filmed of them. 

Hye-su smiles up at Jaehyun, and gives him a high five.

"See? Told you you didn't have to be so nervous," Hye-su says. "Sometimes you have to get out of your head, that's all," she adds, tapping his temple gently with her acrylic nail.

"Thanks, Hye-su," Jaehyun says, and he means it beyond just this scene. He means it to encompass the madness of the last couple of weeks, the reminder that he doesn't have to keep feeling this weight he's heaving on his own shoulders. She winks at him, and gets back in place.

They film the scene three more times from different camera angles, and before Jaehyun realizes it, they’re wrapping up for the day. At this point, they only have about five more days of filming, and then they’ll be done. 

It’s surreal to him, when he bids the rest of the cast and crew goodbye and gets back into the back seat of the van, his manager at the wheel, that they’re almost wrapping up here. 

Hye-su's voice rings in his head as they sit in traffic, the rush hour making the cars crawl sluggishly as they make their way back to the dorms. _Sometimes you have to get out of your head, that's all._

She makes it sound so simple, and sure, on some level, it is. 

Jaehyun lives on the border between holding all of his cards close to his chest and allowing his members to see his full hand. Showing another card should be simple because he knows that they’d stand in defense of him--but that’s the other thing, isn’t it? Jaehyun dreads ever having to put them in that position in the first place. 

When Jaehyun gets home and sees that he’s made it in time to catch dinner with the rest of the guys, he weighs his options. He doesn’t arrive at any conclusion that night, but it’s a start that he’s contemplating it at all, and he counts that as a win for him, all things considered.

👑

**NCT 127 ⚪️@NCTsmtown_127 15s**

안녕하세요!! 재혀니는 시즈니 보러 잠깐 왔어요~

**🍑127 @jaehyunns 3s**

OMG BABY

**NCT 127⚪️@NCTsmtown_127 2s**

Hello baby

**morkly ☀️@morklytonin 4s**

보고싶어-

**77🌸@jaehyunbalm 2s**

Hi! It is our Heavenly Prince of Seoul!

**NCT 127⚪️@NCTsmtown_127 2s**

Yes, It is me! 

**Sneaky @sneakethesnek**

잘잤어요?

**not doyoung @howoozidan 1s**

OMG HI

**NCT 127⚪️ @NCTsmtown_127 1s**

Hello! 

**jjnct @jaehunysnct 1s**

서울의 잘생긴 왕자님 재현아 안농

**Kai FAN SUPPORT!!! @jonginsmommy 1s**

오빠 잘생겼어ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

  
  


Jaehyun’s fingers fly over the screen as he watches the notifications explode, his feed a blur while he tries to find which tweets to reply to. He’s gotten so much better at these over the years despite avoiding Twitter when he can, but after Johnny and Yuta had ribbed him for replying to like six people and then dipping, Jaehyun had finally decided he needed to keep the replies coming. It’s fine anyway, just a few minutes of his time in the dressing room while he waits for the stylist noona to come in with the next outfit. 

Various replies flood in, memes, and photos of himself from fansites and screencaps from their videos and cute edits that he tries to sift through and reply with at least an emoji.

The reply to jaehyunbalm is typical, a running fandom joke that he’s been clued in on for the last year or so and doesn’t mind feeding once in a while, just for the hell of it. 

He stops on a tweet that has a video of him and Johnny from the W Korea shoot they’d done a year ago, and it’s innocuous, the caption simple, “Jaehyun so cute when you look at Johnny!” in English, but Jaehyun is brought back to that day, that moment, when he’d stood across Johnny with his back against the wall, and Johnny, charming and infuriating as ever, had made faces at Jaehyun until his demeanor broke.

He hadn’t even known back then that the way he’d reacted to Johnny meant anything more than the platonic affection he’d been certain of. Jaehyun had never meant to fall for him, and he’d tried and tried to put the brakes on it, but Jaehyun had been helpless, hapless, absolutely lacking any sort of immunity to the pull of Johnny’s orbit. 

He manages to throw in a good handful of replies to his original tweet before he signs off, but as the stylist comes in with the fishnet shirt he’s supposed to change into, the video doesn’t leave him.

It’s the first time in a long time that Jaehyun is seeing it again, and he quells the quiet shame he feels that he’s been wearing his heart on his sleeve for longer than he’d realized. 

Getting in front of the camera is easy now, second nature when it’s just him he has to worry about. The music pulses around him as he strikes a pose, pose, pose like a marionette.

Jaehyun constantly feels a shyness that has never truly leaves him, but there are times when he allows himself to be immersed in the theatrics of it all, and magazine shoots seem to be his forte now.

He likes to believe that he’s gotten better at interviews as well, but there really are some people that end up testing him, and today’s interviewer appears to be one of them. The questions are infuriating and invasive, but sadly par-for-the-course, especially because of the coming web drama. 

“Can you describe how you prepared for the intimate scenes with Kim Hye-su?” the interviewer asks. Jaehyun bites the inside of his cheek, smiles pleasantly, and clobbers together an answer. 

“We had an intimacy coordinator that allowed us to practice and become comfortable with each other, and everything was very professional on set,” Jaehyun says, withholding the “unlike this line of questioning” that threatens to slip past his lips. “We also had a closed set, and no one was allowed to bring their personal phones for the filming. Everyone was very pleasant and cooperative, and my co-star and I had a friendly, respectful relationship while we were filming our scenes.” 

Jaehyun hopes that that’s adequate enough and that they’ll move on, but his mention of Hye-su is a mistake, because Il-hoon latches onto it like a snake with a mouse being dangled in front of it.

“Can you tell us more about that, your relationship with Hye-su-nim?” The way Il-hoon smiles reminds Jaehyun of those cartoon sharks that always had some scheme cooking up. 

There’s a headache starting to creep through Jaehuyn’s temples, and he feels like there’s a clanging noise in his head that starts to rise and rise and rise. Jaehyun glances at his manager whose attention is currently on his phone, and he chooses his words carefully, measuring his movements while he strings the words together. Sometimes these interviews really feel a bit like he’s walking in a minefield.

“I have a deep respect for her as a person and as an artist, and it was exciting to work with someone so professional and down-to-earth,” Jaehyun says. “She is now a very good friend.” His emphasis on the word friend is subtle, but he hopes that it registers. 

He feels himself slowly getting twitchy, wanting to opt out of the rest of the interview, like his layers of foundation and the globs of mousse that had been raked through his hair and his clothing are all suddenly too heavy, too thick, too stifling, but Il-hoon is relentless, and when Jaehyun watches the ascent of Il-hoon’s pen to his chin in an almost-mock thoughtfulness, Jaehyun knows that he is dangerously close to snapping. 

“Tell us about your ideal woman, and your ideal date,” is the next question. 

He clenches his jaw. The headache builds. 

This question is not new to him, but the fact that he’s been asked this in every interview since filming began is really starting to grate on his nerves, and Jaehyun no longer knows how he’s expected to keep doing this.

Tired, but still very much on the clock, and still very much under scrutiny, Jaehyun finds himself telling the closest thing to the truth that he can say: 

“My ideal would be someone that listens well, and isn’t afraid to talk to me about any topic under the sun,” Jaehyun says while he tries to block the image of Johnny’s smile from his mind’s eye. “Someone simple, who makes me laugh, and who is caring. 

“And my ideal date is just--” A memory of Johnny teaching him how to wine taste for the very first time; Johnny and him learning how to make coffee for an episode of JCC; Johnny lying down on the ground next to where Jaehyun is seated while Jaehyun plays the new vinyl Johnny had given him for his birthday. “--spending time together in each other’s company, even if we’re not saying anything.” 

Il-hoon smiles, and flips the cover over his iPad, the pen clinging to the side of it magnetically. 

“Okay, perfect!” he says to Jaehyun, and the clanging in Jaehyun’s head ceases. 

“We’re done?” Jaehyun asks, incredulous. 

“Yes, that’s it, thank you so very much for being receptive to the questions, and we wish you all the luck for when ‘The Heavenly Prince’ premieres,” Il-hoon says, rising from his seat and holding his hand out for Jaehyun to shake. 

The headache doesn’t leave him, but he’d gotten through another set of questions that erode at his spirit, and much like Hye-su had said: he’ll take the wins he can get. 

👑

The day that the first episode of “The Heavenly Prince of Seoul” premieres, everyone in the dorms gathers in the living room of the tenth floor, piling onto the couch and on the floor next to it, and Yuta and Johnny tag team to put the little party together. 

There’s too much beer, and too much food that their dorm aunt has prepared specifically for them, an extra-large serving of jeyuk bokkeum for Jaehyun himself peppered with a shitload of snacks that they're gonna pretend they can finish but actually can’t. 

Jaehyun knows full well that he’s probably going to be clowned for the rest of the evening, but here in his home, dressed in his too-loose shirt and warm from all the body heat, his permed hair pushed away from his forehead with his headband, he figures the ribbing will be worth it. He just hopes his performance isn’t a total shitshow, or that the two months of post-processing have managed to mask anything too terrible. 

Haechan’s glued to his phone, refreshing the hashtag for the show that the fans have been trending all night leading up to it and reading the funnier tweets out loud, and Mark’s sitting next to Jaehyun on the floor, his eyes huge and running his mouth excitedly at the prospect of seeing Jaehyun on screen for something other than their own stuff or Inkigayo. 

There are throw pillows on both the couch and the floor with them, on Yuta’s insistence, since he’d figured they’d all be screaming at the television at one point or another, and they really don’t want to have to deal with noise complaints the way the WayV dorm has had to. 

Most of them are full and sated by the time 7:00 pm KST rolls around, at least one beer in before the opening credits begin to play on screen, and Jaehyun braces himself, his hands shaking a little before Mark on his left, Taeyong on his right, and Johnny behind him all jostle him when his name and face appear. 

The opening scene is a closeup of Jaehyun’s closed eyes before the camera pulls back to reveal him asleep in a double bed, the alarm from his phone blaring loudly as his character wakes and scrambles to get out of bed, nearly falling over in his haste. 

“‘Damn,’” Jaehyun says on-screen. “‘I’m going to be late again!’” Jiseok scrambles to pull his shirt off, and a flash of Jaehyun’s bare torso is seen in the bathroom mirror before it cuts to a shot of Jaehyun standing under the spray of water from his showerhead, which of course leads to a resounding chorus of “Drink, drink, drink!” because of fucking course his friends had decided to make up rules for a drinking game on the spot. 

The editing for the web drama is pretty well done, in Jaehyun’s opinion, and as the episode goes on and the minutes trickle by, he feels his nervousness slowly begin to ebb. He’s actually not too terrible, and his members seem to be enjoying themselves, reacting to the throwaway jokes and the cheesy one-liners as Jiseok walks out into his alternate reality, a man in a black coat telling him that in this world, Jiseok is a prince, while Jiseok stands bewildered in the middle of a busy sidewalk. 

“Me? A prince? Are you out of your mind? I don’t even know you and you’re making me even later for work!” Jiseok yells frantically, trying to wrench his arm out of the man’s grip. 

Behind him, Johnny is laughing, and then leaning in, his breath warm on Jaehyun’s ear as he delivers the same lines that Ji-sub says onscreen--an effect of how many times Johnny’s run lines with him.

“Prince Jiseok, you need to listen!” says the cloaked man, the camera zooming into his face, as does Johnny, his breath making the hair on the back of Jaehyun’s neck stand up and his skin goose pimple. “Your evil brother is threatening to take your fiance as his own, and steal your seat to the throne!” 

Jaehyun laughs and tries to shake it, his insides clenching at how close Johnny had been before he’d pulled back to watch the rest of the scene. Not for the first time, the low-simmering want moves over his skin. Not for the first time, Jaehyun finally contemplates being braver than he’s been in years.

The episode ends, 3 rounds of “Drink! Drink!” in, with Jiseok meeting Princess Yerin for the first time in true K-drama fashion, the last scene showing Jaehyun’s face frozen in shock from how beautiful the princess is as he saves her from an impending car accident, and then the ending song plays, the sound drowned out by his members yelling and ruffling his hair and rocking him by the shoulders back and forth, and it’s chaos and overwhelming but Jaehyun’s chest is light, his heart happy, his nerves calm. 

“You did so well, pretty boy,” Taeil says from the end of the couch, and Mark’s heavy hand is smacking Jaehyun on the shoulder while he echoes Taeil’s sentiments, and Jaehyun’s joy is bubbling. 

“Everyone is losing it over you, hyung,” Haechan says, flipping his phone screen-side up to show him, and Jaehyun scrolls through the Naver page, an onslaught of positive comments greeting him; Twitter shows much of the same, #TheHeavenlyPrinceofSeoul, #JAEHYUN, #PrinceJiseok all trending in South Korea. 

“Dude, good job,” Johnny says warmly, squeezing his shoulder again, just as the guys start to unfurl their legs and stand up and gather their beer bottles. 

“Thanks,” Jaehyun says, craning his neck back to look up at Johnny, and the moment catches him so off-guard, the soft gaze that Johnny directs at him, that it feels like a sucker punch to the solar plexus, the wind completely knocked out of him; it feels like he’s living in the drama he’d starred in.

In that moment, he thinks about Hye-su and her brazen way of seeing the world, of her telling him to trust his team; he thinks about the interviews that he’s grown weary of answering with half-truths, too afraid to be fully himself even with the people he calls family. There is so much to be said, so much to unpack and unload, and Jaehyun decides in the slow-motion of Johnny Seo’s smile that he needs to say something before he caves under the weight of his secrets. 

Before Johnny leaves, Jaehyun tugs on the pant-leg of his sweats, and asks quietly, “Hey, hyung, do you think we could talk tonight?” 

Worry passes over Johnny’s face, but it leaves as soon as it comes, and Johnny simply says, “Sure man, do you wanna talk now?” 

There are still too many people in the apartment, but Jaehyun isn’t sure how long his courage is going to last him, so he glances out the window, at the small balcony that they have, and nods. 

They slide the door open, Johnny slipping out, the cold night hair making him pull the sleeves of his grey hoodie over his hands before he takes a seat on one of the two chairs they’ve got. 

There’s no guarantee that no one will bother them there, but he keeps the light off, only the glow from the living room filtering out to where they’re seated. 

Jaehyun’s heart threatens to beat itself out of his chest, and the creature that he keeps locked up is awake, peering through the bars that are his ribcage while Johnny waits patiently for Jaehyun to speak. 

Jaehyun clears his throat, rests his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together, and quietly, very quietly, says, “Johnny-hyung, I’m gay.” 

The words sound foreign in his mouth for good reason. Jaehyun has never uttered the words out loud before. They hang suspended like the vapor of his cold breath, and he waits for the ground to crack open beneath him, waits for the hellfire to rain down, waits for Johnny’s disgust.

But none of it comes. 

“How long have you known this about yourself?” Johnny asks, voice gentle and coaxing, like he knows how terrifying this is for Jaehyun. 

_How long has he known?_

“A while now,” Jaehyun says, looking down at his hands, picking at the bit of dry skin he has by his thumb. “A long while now. Even before Jungwoo came out.”

Before Johnny can ask, Jaehyun beats him to it. 

“I’m only saying so now because I’ve been too scared of what it means, for me, for the group,” Jaehyun continues. “I’ve played this role for so long that I don’t even know what it feels like to not hold myself together a certain way anymore.”

Johnny nods once, and motions for Jaehyun to keep speaking.

“When we started out, the company gave us all these personas we could work with,” Jaehyun continues. “They told us how we were supposed to present ourselves, and I got lumped with the ‘prince’ image and I’ve had to carry that like it’s a badge of honor for me when really, I’m just so tired.”

Jaehyun breaks off, covering his face with his hands before pushing his headband off his head and putting it back on, sure that he’s only succeeded in making his hair look wilder than it already probably does.

“I am tired so often and I’m tired of carrying this secret around like a corpse,” Jaehyun continues, folding his arms over his belly and hunching over himself, the cold biting at his arms. “I’m tired of it feeling like I’m always looking over my shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just want to be able to come home and know that I’m not putting up a front for anyone, even if it’s just a couple of hours in the day.”

There’s a soft rustling as Johnny stands up from his seat and crosses the small distance to crouch in front of Jaehyun, and Jaehyun’s breath catches when he looks up to see Johnny at eye-level. 

“Hey,” Johnny says, a small smile on his face. “Come here.”

Johnny’s arms are spread open, and now that Jaehyun’s said what he’s said, he feels like a puppet whose strings have been cut. As he buries his face in Johnny’s neck and breathes his perfume in, arms coming around his middle to hold him and ground him, Jaehyun closes his eyes and thinks, _This is real._

“You know that we love you no matter what,” Johnny says, the low timbre coming to envelop Jaehyun the way his arms do. “And that we’d protect you no matter what. There’s no need to be afraid here.” 

Jaehyun holds on to him tighter, and he begins to feel it, the release of tension over his shoulders, away from his neck. Tears prick at his eyes before he realizes it, and Johnny’s hands are warm on the small of his back. The creature in Jaehyun’s chest prods at him, demanding attention, and at this point, Jaehyun figures there isn’t anything left to say except for the remainder of his truth. 

“There’s one more thing,” Jaehyun says, sniffling, and Johnny pulls back, hands on Jaehyun’s knees while he remains crouched in front of him. Jaehyun swallows audibly, tells himself to be brave. “It’s about you. How I feel about you.” 

Jaehyun looks down at where Johnny’s hand still rests. 

“Not really sure what being in love with someone feels like,” Jaehyun says. “But I think what I feel for you comes close. I’m not telling you this because I expect anything, but because if I’m telling you the truth already, I might as well tell you the entirety of it.” 

Jaehyun has no idea where this courage comes from, but there’s warmth in Johnny’s eyes, and in the hands that grip Jaehyun’s gently. Inwardly he’s more relieved than anything that he was able to say the words at all. 

“That’s a pretty big statement to make, Jaehyunnie,” Johnny says softly, smiling up at him. 

Jaehyun shrugs. “Like I said, I don’t expect anything. It’s a lot, yeah, but I guess I needed to say it so that I can start getting over you.” 

Johnny looks a little taken aback. 

“You’ve just told me this and you’re already talking about getting over me? You’re hurting my feelings a little here,” Johnny says, changing his position so he can kneel and sit on his heels. It’s so fucking far from what Jaehyun expected him to say that he’s got no choice but to just stare at Johnny, mouth agape. 

“Please don’t tease me,” Jaehyun says softly. “You’re straight.”

“I’m not,” Johnny says seriously. “I’m still figuring out a lot of things about myself too, but I sure as hell am not straight, and I sure as hell do like you quite a lot.” 

Jaehyun’s heart stutters. 

“Neither of us has any idea what to do in a situation like this,” Johnny says. “But if you’re willing to be patient with me, maybe we can figure things out together slowly. I’ve got some catching up to do, but I’m here if you still want to try.” 

This isn’t the stuff of K-dramas, Jaehyun thinks. If this was a K-drama, he’d have said something big and grand and they’d either be kissing or one of them would have walked out already. This isn’t a show, this is his _life_ , and his reality, and in this universe, he has the boy of his dreams kneeling in front of him asking him for a chance for them to figure this life out together, whatever that may entail. 

There are no slow-motion sequences here, no cameras or fancy lighting or confession of love from below a palace balcony, just him and Johnny forehead to forehead, Johnny’s hands warm in his, and Jaehyun saying, “Yeah, yeah, I’d like for us to try.” 

Jaehyun watches Johnny rise up and hold his hand out for Jaehyun to take, tilting his head to the side and gesturing for them to head back inside. He hadn’t known that it was possible to feel like this, like his catastrophizing in his head could somehow find a means to quiet down. Johnny slides the door open and there’s noise again, owing to the fact that none of the 5th-floor members have vacated their dorm. 

Belatedly, Jaehyun realizes that he’s missed a message from Hye-su as he walks slowly back to the kitchen.

> [ **Kim Hye-su** : what did I say about us doing amazingly on this???]

He keys in a reply quickly, chuckling under his breath.

> [ **Me:** It’s the first episode, but you were right!]
> 
> [ **Kim Hye-su** : i always am!!! ;) congratulations to us jaehyun. we really pulled it off!!]
> 
> [ **Me** : We did. I was right to trust you :D Thank you]

Johnny glances his way, beckoning him over to slip into the bench next to him, and Jaehyun locks his phone before taking a seat at the end.

Johnny slings an arm around his shoulders, easy, like they haven’t just agreed to be a tentative _something._ He allows himself to melt into it, allows his fingers to grip onto Johnny’s hoodie where he’s got an arm around Johnny’s waist, and thinks to himself that he’s nearly ready to show his members all the cards he has in his hand.

“Are you okay?” Johnny murmurs, voice low enough that only Jaehyun can hear. 

“I’m okay,” Jaehyun says just as quietly, leaning into him. “Happy.” 

“Happy’s good,” Johnny replies lightly. “We like happy around here.” 

Jaehyun huffs a quiet laugh. 

“You know we’re gonna be okay, right?”

Johnny smiles, slow and sure. 

“Yeah, Johnny,” Jaehyun says warmly. “I know.” 

There’s more to be done, more people for him to talk to, but Jaehyun allows himself this evening to lose himself in the company of his friends, with the people he calls home, and family. 

They’re gonna be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you's!
> 
> The first draft of this story was directionless and touched on too many real, painful events that took away from the story and read more like a sad enumeration of things. I absolutely owe this prompt to the friends that listened and helped pitch in ideas when I was feeling very lost about what foundation I needed for it. You know who y'all are, so thank you for that! 
> 
> Thank you to the FF twitter users for having translated the menpas into Korean for me:  
> @jonginsmommy  
> @hyucsnoona  
> @TAEY0NGISM
> 
> I know nothing about film or production, so I had to call in my buds [D](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunalius/pseuds/lunalius) and [emi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wentz/pseuds/wentz) to explain the details of how web dramas worked, how long it would take for post-production, what a table read was like, how intimacy scenes are filmed, etc. They were both very thorough in their explanations to me, and even if not a lot of technical terms found its way into this fic, they were still pivotal in helping me understand the universe I was creating. Thank you as well to [N](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggboyksoo/works) for the input about Jaemin's web drama and entertaining my queries in the gc. <3 
> 
> And to my betas [Anne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/speckledsolanaceae/pseuds/speckledsolanaceae) and [Any](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetpeche/pseuds/violetpeche): Thank you so, so much for going over the doc and making the suggestions that helped make this a neater, cleaner piece of work, and helped make the story flow better. I always value both your input and I appreciate that we work so well together. Thank you for adding your magic touch to this story and for giving me encouragement when I needed it the most!


End file.
